Practice to channel energy

I guess if you have regular yoga practice, you will always feel like you gain some energy after the practice. I recently realize in fact, it's not about "gaining energy", it's more like "channeling" the energy!
As I said I have been feeling confused and jammed, mantally and physically, here in Tainan. I feel anxious and get irrated very easily, which I even don't like myself. This has been not only making myself small, but torqued, I think. I even forgot and forgo my practice, I just let go... But, it only gets worse. I finally pick up my mat and began to practice again. I feel MUCH better and RELEASED afterward. Then, I realized, the energy within me (including emotion) just needed to be channeled out! It's like the water in the vast, need to replace with fresh water frequently!
I need yoga practice, I need more meditation as well. I should add this into my new year resolutions!!

Resistance

Morning practice yesterday was themed for backbending, but I have to admit that I kept confront my resistance for backbending. It took me so long trying to overcome this, but I guess there are a lot more need to do.
Kapotasana is the one that I keep resisting practice. The foundamental reason is I don't feel well when doing it, not mention that I "can't" even make it to full pose. One major truma I have with this pose is one teacher ever push and pull me rudely into this pose, which made it sooo pianful and frustrated afterward. I felt totally a loser...
I guess all this made me keep resisting from the practice for this pose, so I also don't know Ustrasana and it's variation to move to Kapontasana. So I didn't even finish my practice yesterday. I know I have been much better in other backbending poses, I know my body is more ready now, in terms of my thoratic spine and my shoulders are more felxible. In stead of my back body, the problem now lies on the front body, my psoas! It must still be tight. Psoas is one of the core muscles, which record or withholding some emotions in our body. As far as I know, maybe the car accident at the age of 8 may have it's toll. I stayed in hospital for half month because of the percussion in the head. I can't remember anything at that accident. So I guess may be at that time I was just totally relax into this accident, all the reaction maybe just out of spantaniety. So maybe my psoas contracted and never release from this protection.
This is just my plain guess, and maybe to justify my resistance toward Kapontasana. I know it would take time for this practice to release and relax my psoas, so I could make it further into Kapontasana. Thanks for the obstacles I faces, so I could really look into my body, my fear!

Being with your parents

Few days ago, I read an article on a magazine, which make my eyes wet. It was about taking care of your parents. It is a serious of report on this issue, including interviews with those late 30's, or 40's childern. This is talking about how my life is and how confused I am now.
In the article, it said "孝", the traditional Chinese way of caring and respecting your parents maybe no longer works, or maybe need to work in other ways. Parents and childrens may no longer live together, and the age difference is bigger, children at this edge are at the "sandwich stage", raising their kids and supporting their parents at the same time. If the parents are healthy, you are lucky. If not, may need a lot more time, effort and money to take care of them.
My mom had the hip joint replacement surgery one month ago. I came back before the surgery, since she was already in a lot of pain at hip joint, not able to move around. Dad called several time ask me to come back to take care, he sounds very desprated. This made me feel guilty and urge to get back, but on the other hand, i hate leaving my huby in SH. Anyhow, this kind of quilty feeling is always there while I stay at my parents home and while I taking care of them and the house.
On the other hand, it's so hard to get along with them. I mean, the way we interact and the way to caring each other.... I really don't know how. Even if I know how, my action just end up disappointly...
So, I have the feeling of quilty and disappointed to myself....
And I don't see I am really helping my parents, in the way I wish I could do better....
This is my learning, and this learning maybe my last chance in this life time. They are getting older, and no one could say how many time we got. This terrified me somehow. I really wish I have the wisdom to cope this!

We are meant to shine

This is a quote sent from a yoga friend in Greek. I did a little translation, hope won't lost the meaning. I think this quot is familiar, maybe I read something similar in "A return to love". This is a powerful statememt, "we are meant to shine!" I love this and hope I could always keep this in mind. So I could free myself and shine!!!
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"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

我們最深的恐懼不是因為我們缺了什麼, 而是我們有超乎想像的能量! 令我們害怕的不是我們的黑暗面, 而是我們自身耀眼的光!

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.

我們常常問自己, 我怎麼可能會是耀眼的,美麗的, 有才華的? 事實上, 我們怎麼可能不是呢? 你是神的子民. 小看自己對這世界是沒有幫助的. 畏畏縮縮的好讓別人覺得不受威脅是沒有一點益處的. 我們都注定要發亮的, 就像每個小孩一樣!


We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
我們生來都是為了要綻放在我們身上神的光芒. 不只是某些人可以, 是每個人都如此.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
當我們讓我們的光芒閃耀的同時, 我們也自然的允許旁人一樣的發光. 就像我們將自己從恐懼中解放出來的同時, 我們也同時的解救了其他人!

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這段話我似乎有在A Return to Love中讀過, 不過書沒在手邊, 無法確認, 所以不確定到底是誰說的. 但是, 這不重要啊, 重要的是, 我們都是注定要發光的!!!

祝福每個人!!! 閃亮亮~