Resistance

Morning practice yesterday was themed for backbending, but I have to admit that I kept confront my resistance for backbending. It took me so long trying to overcome this, but I guess there are a lot more need to do.
Kapotasana is the one that I keep resisting practice. The foundamental reason is I don't feel well when doing it, not mention that I "can't" even make it to full pose. One major truma I have with this pose is one teacher ever push and pull me rudely into this pose, which made it sooo pianful and frustrated afterward. I felt totally a loser...
I guess all this made me keep resisting from the practice for this pose, so I also don't know Ustrasana and it's variation to move to Kapontasana. So I didn't even finish my practice yesterday. I know I have been much better in other backbending poses, I know my body is more ready now, in terms of my thoratic spine and my shoulders are more felxible. In stead of my back body, the problem now lies on the front body, my psoas! It must still be tight. Psoas is one of the core muscles, which record or withholding some emotions in our body. As far as I know, maybe the car accident at the age of 8 may have it's toll. I stayed in hospital for half month because of the percussion in the head. I can't remember anything at that accident. So I guess may be at that time I was just totally relax into this accident, all the reaction maybe just out of spantaniety. So maybe my psoas contracted and never release from this protection.
This is just my plain guess, and maybe to justify my resistance toward Kapontasana. I know it would take time for this practice to release and relax my psoas, so I could make it further into Kapontasana. Thanks for the obstacles I faces, so I could really look into my body, my fear!