Practice to channel energy

I guess if you have regular yoga practice, you will always feel like you gain some energy after the practice. I recently realize in fact, it's not about "gaining energy", it's more like "channeling" the energy!
As I said I have been feeling confused and jammed, mantally and physically, here in Tainan. I feel anxious and get irrated very easily, which I even don't like myself. This has been not only making myself small, but torqued, I think. I even forgot and forgo my practice, I just let go... But, it only gets worse. I finally pick up my mat and began to practice again. I feel MUCH better and RELEASED afterward. Then, I realized, the energy within me (including emotion) just needed to be channeled out! It's like the water in the vast, need to replace with fresh water frequently!
I need yoga practice, I need more meditation as well. I should add this into my new year resolutions!!

Resistance

Morning practice yesterday was themed for backbending, but I have to admit that I kept confront my resistance for backbending. It took me so long trying to overcome this, but I guess there are a lot more need to do.
Kapotasana is the one that I keep resisting practice. The foundamental reason is I don't feel well when doing it, not mention that I "can't" even make it to full pose. One major truma I have with this pose is one teacher ever push and pull me rudely into this pose, which made it sooo pianful and frustrated afterward. I felt totally a loser...
I guess all this made me keep resisting from the practice for this pose, so I also don't know Ustrasana and it's variation to move to Kapontasana. So I didn't even finish my practice yesterday. I know I have been much better in other backbending poses, I know my body is more ready now, in terms of my thoratic spine and my shoulders are more felxible. In stead of my back body, the problem now lies on the front body, my psoas! It must still be tight. Psoas is one of the core muscles, which record or withholding some emotions in our body. As far as I know, maybe the car accident at the age of 8 may have it's toll. I stayed in hospital for half month because of the percussion in the head. I can't remember anything at that accident. So I guess may be at that time I was just totally relax into this accident, all the reaction maybe just out of spantaniety. So maybe my psoas contracted and never release from this protection.
This is just my plain guess, and maybe to justify my resistance toward Kapontasana. I know it would take time for this practice to release and relax my psoas, so I could make it further into Kapontasana. Thanks for the obstacles I faces, so I could really look into my body, my fear!

請教Mark

今天在Mark的課作了一個Supta Vajrasana，也就是金剛跪坐往後躺下來，對我而言這可是Supta Virasana的進階版, 要可以真的後腦杓貼下來在地上, 膝蓋還可以保持在地上, 這可真是難為我的大腿股四頭肌了, 原以為我的前大腿已經夠開了, 但是在這個Supta Vajrasana我只可以將頭頂地, 我的膝蓋就開始在尖叫了. 這讓我有點納悶. 自己的猜測是可能元兇是psoas 還是很緊, 所以quad cep被綁架了, 兩個一起緊張. 所以膝蓋被拉伸的很不舒服.

下課後我問了Mark這個問題, 我懷疑這樣的不舒服是否是因為拉到膝蓋的ligament（韌帶）, 老先生很慈悲的慢慢說給我聽, ligament本身沒有神經, 所以就算有拉伸或受傷也是沒有感覺, 會有感覺的是tendon 和muscle, 呵, 所以真是臉紅問了個笨問題, 聽他說起才知道好像之前有讀過這個, 老先生繼續解釋給我聽, 肌肉和肌腱的不同, 肌腱就像是強有力的橡皮, 將肌肉連結到到骨骼上, 可以伸展但比肌肉的伸展度小, 所以我的膝蓋的感覺應該是拉伸到tendon, 但是他建議我若是有疼痛感覺, 就該要back off. 他也解釋到tendon 和muscle的鍛鍊, 舉body builder的訓練而言, 以前的概念總是以為是把肌肉練大就好, 所以總是舉很重的重量來讓肌肉強壯, 但是tendon並沒達到鍛鍊, 所以其實很容易受傷, 因為想想若是連結到骨骼的tendon沒有同時強有力去負擔大肌肉, tendon就容易因此拉傷. 所以比較改革式的練習是利用舉比較輕的重量, 且重複多次先去鍛鍊加強tendon. 這是很有趣的概念!

我又接著問他, 所以怎樣去預防不去拉伸到ligament, 他的答案就是我所想的一樣, 正確的alignment, 正確的訓練肌肉和tendon, 他還舉了自己的例子, 20年前他年輕時在沒有人指導下練習Servangasana, 沒想到都是拉伸到ligament, 所以導致韌帶過鬆, 甚至造成頸椎差點脫臼送醫院, 但是他靠了瑜伽加強練習頸肩肌肉, 去替代過鬆的韌帶保護頸椎, 所以這就是Mark常常在課堂可以示範Salamba Sirsasana (只有頭頂著地的頭倒立, no hands!). 那我又接著問Mark, 那怎樣避免over stretching?他說, 其實這很不容易, 有些人會鼓勵做到“sweet pain”, 也就是伸展到有一點點痛是可以的, 但是Mark說他其實不太鼓勵這樣的pain, 因為有些好強的人甚至會覺得瑜伽就是要suffer to gain. But Yoga is not about suffering! 這是真的, 在Mark的課, 他總是用算是標準的中文提醒大家觀察自己的感覺 “舒服不舒服”, 用這個標準來判斷！還有, 我也喜歡他常說的, “Hello & Goodbye”. 意思就是, 在那些具有挑戰性的難度動作裡, 他總是會給三次機會, 比如跳入手倒立, 他總是會說 “Hello & Goodbye”, 試三次就好了, 若是你還是堅持試很多次, 他會嚴厲跟你說, no attachment！而且, 他的課是Flow Vinyasa, 所以他要求一切要是”流動”的！

這回到我一直在想的問題, 從那篇 “早知道” 和前幾篇 “Anusara新體驗”, 如何做到正確且安全的伸展, 正確的alignment, 肌肉draw in的力量, 我想還得加入,對自己感覺的如實的觀察, 誠實的面對, 疼痛就是警告, 所以如果太能忍痛, 反而得想想是不是ego在作怪?!

瑜伽经--心體悟

在TT的瑜伽經的哲學課, Jose在講解第二章的重點, 就是ashtanga yoga 也就是瑜伽八支( 這個Ashtanga不是那個ashtanga!), 提到其實有個謬誤, 就是我以前也聽說過的, 這八肢是要按順序來進行的！但其實不需要, 當然若是按著這個順序進行, 也就是可以按部就班的修行進入到samadhi. 也就是, 若是你可以先修德自律, 在用asana鍛鍊身體, 加上pranayama呼吸調息, 進入感官的收攝, 深入專注, 這都可以幫你進入到samadhi. 但是, 其實, "開悟就在當下", 這每各階段都可以同時發生, 也可以同時修煉. "當下", 是最重要的"覺知"! 一有這樣的"覺知", 就是"開悟"！有人問了個問題, Samadhi是一旦得到就是永遠可以保持在那個境界得嗎? 也許, 真的有人是如此, 因為是時時得處於"覺知"的狀態下! 但是, 我喜歡Jose說的一句話, 所有的了解和覺悟都是"moment to moment"！這是個多重要的概念, 這也就是每件事都是時時在變化的, 所以, samadhi 也未必可以永遠保持的...

還有提到yama Niyama, yama 中的五項和Niyama的五項其實都是連結在一起的, Yama中的ahimsa不暴力,satya不說謊, Asteya不偷盜, Brahma chrya不縱欲, Aprarigaraha不貪婪, 比如說Yama中的ahimsa不暴力, 其實跟"暴力無關", 其實要用肯定句去翻譯這個詞比較好, 所以我喜歡用"love and campassion"愛與慈悲去解釋Ahimsa. 所以就是對萬物包括對自己, 都是應該如此, 所以就不會在去"force"任何人或事, 對自己對別人也是, 若是如此, 就是真誠的對待自己和他人, 也就是做到第二項satya, 既然如此Asteya第三項就自然做到, 因為不再覺得匱乏, 當然就不會有偷盜, 也就不會起貪婪第五項, 禁欲也使能量可以有效的儲存或轉換. 所以, 若是徹底的, 專注的去實踐一項, 其他項也就自然跟隨！這是個很有趣的概念, 但是也是件"事實"！

Bandha之二~ Uddiyana Bandha

　　接著上次的bandha話題，現在要來說說Uddiyana Bandha. Uddiyana的意思是fly upwards, 向上飛起的意思，在Light on Yoga 中說到在Uddiyana Bandha可讓橫膈膜上提，讓腹部器官上提向脊椎方向，可以讓prana像隻鳥一樣飛向中脈上揚!在Mathew Sweeny書中提過Uddiyana Bandha是這三個主要bandha中最粗重的，在身體上或是精神上都是！比起Mula Bandha的細微和地理位置的不易觸及，Uddiyana Bandha相對性容易許多，且可以明顯啟動和感受到。所以許多的建議是以Uddiyana Bandha來協助啟動Mula Bandha。這兩個bandha也因地理位置相近，本來就是好鄰居，通常不論是誰先被呼喚起來，另一個也都多少醒來一點！就像在Anusara中，經由inner spiral加上outer spiral之後，Mula Bandha自動啟動，隨之Uddiyana Bandha也跟著被喚起。

　　在下背疼痛的問題上，Uddiyana Bandha也被視為特效藥之一。Yoga as Therapy中提到，在研究中發現，除了脊椎本身的問題之外，多裂肌(Multifidus)的無法正常運作通常是許多人下背痛的主因之一。多裂肌是深層的背部肌肉，Judy老師的內核心文章系列也有一篇是談論這個肌肉。這個在脊椎兩側有如辣椒串的鋼索狀肌肉，通常在前彎動作中因為多裂肌的某部分肌肉無力無法拉回脊椎間的關節囊join capsule，因此壓迫到關節囊中的神經造成疼痛；有時也有可能是前方腹肌無力，造成背後的多裂肌太緊張，甚至在該放鬆時無法放鬆而造成的背痛。Yoga as Therapy中提到,可以利用isomatric等張收縮練習，同時練習多裂肌和其結抗肌也就是腹肌，來治療背痛的問題！可見背痛，通常不只因為背後的問題，虛弱無力的腹肌更常常是元兇！這裡提到的isomatric練習，其實就是Uddiyana Bandha且可以更深層。書中描述的方式很有趣，想像在你的骨盆核心有個能量球，大小跟葡萄柚一樣，這顆能量球滾動的方向是在原地向後向下滾動，也就是滾向你脊椎方向，但球的另一邊也就是面向肚臍那面是往上滾；所以造成的就是同時形成一個背部肌肉向下下錨的穩定度，和前方恥骨以上腹肌上提的力量。這就是Uddiyana Bandha。



　　讀到這些內容時，想到自己的髂薦骨附近發出聲音這樣的不穩定訊號，我才開始注意到自己的腹肌和Uddiyana Bandha，對於韌帶過鬆的人，這是個很重要的覺醒。我發現其實自己的self practice 很少有腹部力量的專注練習，雖然幾乎所有的體位法都匯需要到核心的力量，也多少練習到，但是這部分覺知似乎要更加強，因為柔軟度常會讓我悄悄的混過去，尤其在前彎動作時，整個前方腹部都是在休息狀況...


　　下背問題和後彎的挑戰讓我注意太多背部的問題，而忽略了前面的身體。這真是個需要練習的功課，＂覺知＂尤其是＂精細的覺知提升＂看來是最重要的！可能是帶著這樣的比較多的覺知，髂薦骨的聲響在最近好像比較少聽到了，嗯！覺知可以帶來改變!


　

Self practice at home

I have been doing self practice at home in these two years. I have to admit this requirs a lot of self discipline to make practice regular and productive. My practice usually happens in daytime, meaning in the morning or afternoon, and most of time while I am alone at home or no one else is awake. Somehow, I cannot do backbending practice at night, not only because the more uplifting effect my rest at night, but also becuase I just need to see more clearly while facing the fear in my back. And daylight helps me with more confidence and more encouraging!

I am fortunate enough to enjoy myself alone at home for most of the time, so I should have planty of opportunites to maintain myself practice. But, it seems not easy, becuase of the lazieness and some endless excuses. Tiredness, lack of sleep,overslept, needing food, full belly, heandach, not in the mood, appointements, etc.... The list could go on and on, but the only legitmate excuse I could agree is my mensturation. However, this happen only once a month, but still other excuses won many times. So in average, I practice a least 3 or 4 times a week. This doesn't sound bad. I guess....

Another concern is, is my practice productive?? I found myself didn't improve too much in terms of succeeding in challenging advanced poses. It's obviously becuase I am just on my own, without a teacher to guide me one or advise me, I could only do self study on the Net, books or occationaly attend some workshops. I have to admit the progress is slow. But it really depends on to what you compare with. These two years, I study philosophy and anatomy, I believe this really help me to feel more in my asana practice, and help me move on in my yoga journey!

So, to evaluate my self practice for the past two years, I have to say, I do learn, but still need to be more self motive and self disciplined. I enjoy being with myself a lot, studying, reading and asana practice give me a lot of peace and pleasure.

I am very lucky to have a Jazz saxophnist neighbor living downstair, who practices at least 2 hours almost daily. I enjoy his music a lot, and at the same time, his music reminds me if I practice today. Also, this Ashtangi guy's blog inspired me a lot to keep on self practice more disciplined!

Awareness of bundha

Start praciting in this afternoon, with such great sun light today. Quiet and calm with Bach's chello solo No. 2, 4, and 6. My favorite!

Today I focus my bandha, both Uddiyana and Mula Bandha. Acctually I was insipired by a video clip I saw on Youtube, a yogini practicing Pincha Maruyasana. She mentions when hopping into pose, bandha could help as a brake, to help you stand still in the pose. I try to feel my bandha since my simple warm up dogs. In my previous practice, I hardly pay attention to see if my bandha is there or activated. That's because Anusara training, I guess. In Anusara style, mula banhda will naturly happen when you do inner spiral and then outer spiral. So, never heard an Anusara teacher mentioned "hold your bandha" or any cue about bandha during class. In Anusara, as long as you apply 5 Universal Principles, the bandhas happen by itself. This idea is very different from other style of yoga, expecially for Ashtangi, bandha is one of the key elements in practice.

Anyhow, I still do my practice applying Universal Priciples, just pay more attention to "feel" my bandha. This enhances the awareness in my lower belly. I do feel the lightness! Especially while doing handstand, I was like floating into pose. I just jump into the pose without support from wall, and stay in the air for a few more seconds longer than I ever experienced before. I feel lightness also in downdog, plank and chanturanga. I also try to practice Pincha Maruyasana in this way. Though I didn't success due to the tightness in left shoulder, but I do feel the lightness again!

It seems to me that, bandha is there, just when I pay more attention to it will give it more power!! That is always the power of awareness!

Enjoy the ride

12 月初參加了Patrick的workshop. 太久沒上課被操了.... 真的
這是我第一次參加Patrick的課, 他在今年勤奮的飛來台灣開課, 早就聽到朋友間好康到相報, 也很期待他超high的課. Patrick本身的能量很穩定, 也就是雖說Anusara的課都會很hyper, 但是他本身非常grounded 且 focus!

參加這次workshop, 最大的感想, 是回到自己. 讓我再次有機會看看自己, 檢視自己是怎麼看自己, 自己的態度是怎麼的偏差了. 自己身體目前的狀況, 自己的恐懼長到多大了..... 血淋淋的
很喜歡Patrick提醒的一些點. "Our practice on the mat is to searve us! " 我們在墊上的練習是要來服務我們的, 不是讓我們成為練習的奴隸. 墊上的練習是來幫助我們, 與我們的生活和生命作連結. 還有, 再最後一天的課, 他要我們分享夢想, 要我們將目光放在自己的夢想, 專注但是同時又不過度執著. 就像下次的旅行目的地是太魯閣的話, 別急著趕到目的地, 而最好是, 在車上放片你最喜歡的CD, 搖下車窗, 慢慢的網你的目的地前進! 這樣你才不會錯過了一路上的美好....

嗯, 我要慢慢來....... Enjoy the ride!!!!

我的書庫

整理一下自己的瑜珈書櫃，其實，常常有邊讀邊放的壞習慣，還有心肝很大的同時讀不同書的壞習慣，所以書常常被到處放置。
原本以為自己的library已經不少，但是，這樣看起來，還真是沒啥了不起。這群是有一起帶來上海的愛書們，還有一些放在台北家中。還有很多放在書店的架上......
分享一下，之前ＴＴ時老師給的書單，當然都是英文書，也不容易買到，但是我不得說，關於瑜珈的專業書，國外的出版真的比較多、比較專業，一些印度哲學經典也被翻譯和詮釋比較多，標成紫色的不是已經有的就是想要讀的！
Required Texts
The Heart of Yoga, TKV Desikachar
Anusara Yoga Teacher’s Manual, John Friend
A Path with Heart, Jack Kornfield
Recommended Texts

Philosophy
*The Essence of Yoga (Yoga Sutras), Bernard Bouenchaud
The Secret Power of Yoga (Yoga Sutras), Nischala Joy Devi

Viniyoga
* Yoga for Wellness, Gary Kraftsow
Yoga of Heart, Mark Whitwell
Yoga for Transformation, Gary Kraftsow

Iyengar Yoga
* Light on Yoga, BKS Iyengar
Relax and Renew, Judith Lasater

Pranayama
The Yoga of Breath, Richard Rosen
*Yoga Breathing, Richard Freeman (CD’s)

Anatomy*The Key Muscles of Hatha Yoga, Ray Long; Chris MacivorThe Anatomy of Movement, Blandine C. Germain
The Anatomy Coloring Book, Wynn Kapit; Laurence M. Elson

Esoteric Anatomy/Psychology
Eastern Body, Western Mind & Wheels of Life, Anodea Judith

Buddhism
Buddhism Without Beliefs, Stephen Batchelor
The Places That Scare You, Pema Chodron (or any books by Pema Chodron)

Ayurveda & Nutrition
*Ayurvedic Healing, David Frawley
Yoga and Ayurveda, David Frawley
A Life of Balance, Maya Tiwari
Nourishing Wisdom, Marc David

Kripalu Yoga
Yoga & The Quest for the True Self, Stephen Cope

Yin/Yang Yoga
Insight Yoga, Sarah Powers (DVD)

Bihar School of Yoga
*Asana, Pranayama, Mudra, Bandha, Swami Satyananda
Yoga Nidra, Swami Satyananda(or any of the many books published by the Bihar School of Yoga)

Philosophy
How Yoga Works, Geshe Michael Roach & Christie McNally
The Yoga Sutras, Chip Hartranft
The Bhagavad Gita, S. Radhakrishnan (order from www.natarajbooks.com)
*The Yoga Matrix, Richard Freeman (CD’s)
The Power of Now, The New Earth, Eckhart Tolle

Ethics
The Ethics of Caring, Kylea Taylor; Jack Kornfield

Business
The Business of Teaching Yoga, Larry Payne

Women’s Yoga
Yogini, Janice Gates

Basics
Yoga for Dummies, Georg Feuerstein
Meditation for Dummies, Stephan Bodian; Dean Ornish

* highly recommended

站上墊子就對了！

最近才想通這件事
對於每天練習這件事
不用想太多
只要時間到
站上墊子
就對了
不管今天有多懶、
有多少事要煩、
有多餓、
或是還很撐‧‧‧
Practice! Practice! Practice!
站上墊子，all will come~~~
～～～～～～～～～～～

人總是會發懶，睡醒後總是會賴床，總是有一堆藉口發懶，我是說我啦.... 之前也早就聽過，自己的練習要規律，要自律，也讀過YJ常說的在家練習的tips，但是，我發現好像只有這一個方法對我最有用，站上墊子，就對了！！本來只想做十分鐘的，但總是玩了九十分鐘以上.....

練心

最近的練習，是在練心。

重拾起荒廢很久的頭倒立和drop back。頸椎到左肩曾經怪怪的，找過中醫，每次推拿過就爽很多，但是睡覺和睡醒時還是很不舒服；照過電光，骨科西醫還稱讚過我的頸椎很漂亮。到底是怎樣？！我找不到答案。
這和我的頭倒立和drop back 有什麼關係?! 當然有，都會用到脖子啊。所以，我停止這些動作的練習，只是不想再為難我的自己，也許給一段休耕的日子，it will come.....

不知道是否這些都是自己給的藉口？！

重新開始練習時，沒想太多，頭倒立準備好預備動作，腳尖就自己走上去了。停在上面時，才開始想這個問題，why now? why wait? 但是同時又被身體顛倒的奇異感覺所著迷，沒有多久，又被恐懼所迷惑，自己害怕起來，放棄後回到地面。心理情緒很複雜，身體的感受也很迷幻。輪式的drop back也是，後彎對我而言一向是像是挑戰秘境，背後的世界有什麼，我的身體可以幫我更多嗎？我在擔心什麼？明明現在的的後彎已經進步了，可以開始進入更深，但是，有些東西在前進的路上。我跟我的心慢慢的溝通著‧‧‧

遇到阻礙時，才可以走入的更深，除了可以認真的研究自己身體，還得走到心裡去看看.....

感謝這些阻礙，let me savor for more!