1st yoga class in SH in 2010

How come it's so cold in Shanghai...... 抖抖抖....
It's my first winter in SH, tho I have been kind of living here for over an year. I luckly missed the last winter in SH, but now, "welcoming" my first winter with a grin and flown....
Went to Ben's class today, as my first yoga class in 2010! It's so warm in the studio classroom, it's nice to have floor heater... It really made a lot of difference!! But my body is still kind of confused by the crazy temperture, cold outside and warm inside... I guess, it will take me about one month to get used to such cold weather. I began to miss Taiwan now~
Back to the practice today, the theme is hip opening, but didn't feel too much at hip, maybe Ben is jumping too many place. I haven't practiced for almost 2 weeks, but I feel my body need more! Looking forward to tomorrow's advanced class! GO!

Practice to channel energy

I guess if you have regular yoga practice, you will always feel like you gain some energy after the practice. I recently realize in fact, it's not about "gaining energy", it's more like "channeling" the energy!
As I said I have been feeling confused and jammed, mantally and physically, here in Tainan. I feel anxious and get irrated very easily, which I even don't like myself. This has been not only making myself small, but torqued, I think. I even forgot and forgo my practice, I just let go... But, it only gets worse. I finally pick up my mat and began to practice again. I feel MUCH better and RELEASED afterward. Then, I realized, the energy within me (including emotion) just needed to be channeled out! It's like the water in the vast, need to replace with fresh water frequently!
I need yoga practice, I need more meditation as well. I should add this into my new year resolutions!!

Resistance

Morning practice yesterday was themed for backbending, but I have to admit that I kept confront my resistance for backbending. It took me so long trying to overcome this, but I guess there are a lot more need to do.
Kapotasana is the one that I keep resisting practice. The foundamental reason is I don't feel well when doing it, not mention that I "can't" even make it to full pose. One major truma I have with this pose is one teacher ever push and pull me rudely into this pose, which made it sooo pianful and frustrated afterward. I felt totally a loser...
I guess all this made me keep resisting from the practice for this pose, so I also don't know Ustrasana and it's variation to move to Kapontasana. So I didn't even finish my practice yesterday. I know I have been much better in other backbending poses, I know my body is more ready now, in terms of my thoratic spine and my shoulders are more felxible. In stead of my back body, the problem now lies on the front body, my psoas! It must still be tight. Psoas is one of the core muscles, which record or withholding some emotions in our body. As far as I know, maybe the car accident at the age of 8 may have it's toll. I stayed in hospital for half month because of the percussion in the head. I can't remember anything at that accident. So I guess may be at that time I was just totally relax into this accident, all the reaction maybe just out of spantaniety. So maybe my psoas contracted and never release from this protection.
This is just my plain guess, and maybe to justify my resistance toward Kapontasana. I know it would take time for this practice to release and relax my psoas, so I could make it further into Kapontasana. Thanks for the obstacles I faces, so I could really look into my body, my fear!

Being with your parents

Few days ago, I read an article on a magazine, which make my eyes wet. It was about taking care of your parents. It is a serious of report on this issue, including interviews with those late 30's, or 40's childern. This is talking about how my life is and how confused I am now.
In the article, it said "孝", the traditional Chinese way of caring and respecting your parents maybe no longer works, or maybe need to work in other ways. Parents and childrens may no longer live together, and the age difference is bigger, children at this edge are at the "sandwich stage", raising their kids and supporting their parents at the same time. If the parents are healthy, you are lucky. If not, may need a lot more time, effort and money to take care of them.
My mom had the hip joint replacement surgery one month ago. I came back before the surgery, since she was already in a lot of pain at hip joint, not able to move around. Dad called several time ask me to come back to take care, he sounds very desprated. This made me feel guilty and urge to get back, but on the other hand, i hate leaving my huby in SH. Anyhow, this kind of quilty feeling is always there while I stay at my parents home and while I taking care of them and the house.
On the other hand, it's so hard to get along with them. I mean, the way we interact and the way to caring each other.... I really don't know how. Even if I know how, my action just end up disappointly...
So, I have the feeling of quilty and disappointed to myself....
And I don't see I am really helping my parents, in the way I wish I could do better....
This is my learning, and this learning maybe my last chance in this life time. They are getting older, and no one could say how many time we got. This terrified me somehow. I really wish I have the wisdom to cope this!

We are meant to shine

This is a quote sent from a yoga friend in Greek. I did a little translation, hope won't lost the meaning. I think this quot is familiar, maybe I read something similar in "A return to love". This is a powerful statememt, "we are meant to shine!" I love this and hope I could always keep this in mind. So I could free myself and shine!!!
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"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

我們最深的恐懼不是因為我們缺了什麼, 而是我們有超乎想像的能量! 令我們害怕的不是我們的黑暗面, 而是我們自身耀眼的光!

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.

我們常常問自己, 我怎麼可能會是耀眼的,美麗的, 有才華的? 事實上, 我們怎麼可能不是呢? 你是神的子民. 小看自己對這世界是沒有幫助的. 畏畏縮縮的好讓別人覺得不受威脅是沒有一點益處的. 我們都注定要發亮的, 就像每個小孩一樣!


We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
我們生來都是為了要綻放在我們身上神的光芒. 不只是某些人可以, 是每個人都如此.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
當我們讓我們的光芒閃耀的同時, 我們也自然的允許旁人一樣的發光. 就像我們將自己從恐懼中解放出來的同時, 我們也同時的解救了其他人!

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這段話我似乎有在A Return to Love中讀過, 不過書沒在手邊, 無法確認, 所以不確定到底是誰說的. 但是, 這不重要啊, 重要的是, 我們都是注定要發光的!!!

祝福每個人!!! 閃亮亮~

腦袋被敲了一下

最近的生活有點困頓, 且疑惑．．．當我還大聲的說找到自己的dharma時，原來生活還是要繼續，我並不會就一下得道或從此沒有煩惱．

最近讀了一些Bhagavad Gita薄伽梵歌的書，中文的有"印度智慧書"，和現在在啃的Ram Dass的"A Path to God", 其實剛好在Gita的前幾個章節講的就是karma和dharma. Ram Dass在他的書中對這部分的探討我覺得很精采, 剛好,在Wa yo yogi的blog中剛好她記載的最近在夏威夷參加John Friend 和Ram Dass的Bhagavad Gita的workshop, 寫的真豐富. 她裡面qoute John Friend說的一段話: “live full on and have no regrets. Full on sweetness, full on sensitivity. We don’t really know why we are here but in time it will be revealed and we don’t know how we will affect the world.” 意思是＂盡情的的去活的更豐富更圓滿更有覺知, 不要有遺憾. 我們不知道來到這世間是為了什麼, 但是慢慢的答案會浮現, 而且我們不知到我們會如何的影響世界. ＂

這段話，重重的敲了我的腦袋一下，與其擔憂困頓，還不如讓自己在當下，活的更充實有意義一點．所以，我花了一些時間幫老爸老媽整理陳年累積雜物的廚房，讓老房子住的舒服一點．．．　不是件大事，未必會改變世界，但是這是我在當下做的有意義的事．．．哈！

有覺知的變老...

最近因為照顧剛開刀的媽媽待在台南，才發現台南的親戚都只剩長輩，有來探視和幫忙照顧的也都是老先生和老太太了，當初就是覺得大家都年紀大了，所以決定回來幫忙照顧，但是真的回來才真的感覺到這裡真的是老人照顧老人．媽媽都七十幾了，媽媽的姊弟妹當然也老了，大姨最近也身體不適，表大姨倒是快80歲了，滿頭白髮，很熱心的買來一堆新鮮食材，到家裡來煮一頓好料給我們吃，大舅也從淡水來幫忙．每個老人家過著不一樣的老年生活．有的長輩是一個人過著生活，有的夫妻兩人，有的跟著子女一家生活．老人家之間的閒聊可以發現．有的積極的照顧自己的健康，熱情的安排自己的生活，獨立的行動不撒嬌．有的只要聚在一起就是話從前，怨嘆自己年輕的歹命，和對現在生活的不滿，而且這些抱怨的話常常不是第一次聽到，而是就像錄音帶不斷重複播放著．

人都會老，我也會，我可不想自己變成後者那樣的老太太．．　常在想為何會有這些行為模式？記得在＂一個新世界＂，＂零極限＂和＂A return to Love" 都有提到一個概念，就是我們的情緒是學習來的，但是會常常落入＂制約＂反應，就是被＂Programmed"，腦袋就像電腦一樣，被＂程式化＂，所以對許多事物的反應就像是按下按鍵直接撥放，所以一直在同一種模式下運行，逃不出去．在這種情況下，同樣的結果會一直被複製，所以總是遇人不淑，總是運氣不好，總是時不我與．

零極限提到一個＂清除＂的概念．也就是將一切都先delete，clear! 這其實就是一種"覺知"的開始，一但有覺知到自己的行為之後，改變就會開始．一但有覺知，就會活在當下，警覺自己在此時此刻的行為想法．

我正在學習．．．跟爸媽的相處是門大學問，已經三十多年了，相處模式很容易就會陷入這樣的programmed... 最近常常在一句話出口後我就在反省，也許在下次話出口前該仔細想想，但是真的不容易啊．看著老爸老媽的生活，才會驚覺原來子女的個性和思維模式真的是被父母所捏塑出來的，有怎樣的父母就會養出怎樣的小孩，我可以逃出這個＂程式＂嗎？我得活的更有覺知！！